


Child's play

by whovianhiddlestoner



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave is a dork, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Minor Swearing, adult dave, adult karkat, anshu is a savage, dave and karkat being dads, dont worry nothing bad happenes, ocs belong to polyglotplatypus, parentstuck!au, very vague mention of past child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 06:22:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8133548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whovianhiddlestoner/pseuds/whovianhiddlestoner
Summary: Dave and Anshu are playing like father and daughter. Jamie joins in and Karkat doesn't know if he should be facepalming or not.





	

**Author's Note:**

> The parentstuck au and both Jamie and Anshu belong to polyglotplatypus.

Screams, shouts and giggles could be heard from outside of the Strider-Vantas household and loud noises may not be a rare occurrence around here, Karkat still couldn’t wrap his thinkpan around on what the other two members of this family could be doing.

He stopped reading a novel that was surprisingly not a romantic one thanks to Dave’s insistence and went outside of his Cantown home to see what was all the ruckus about. The sight that greeted the full grown troll was perhaps unusual at the least. His human husband and half troll-half human daughter was playing with vigour. Nothing wrong with that, until you look closer at this picture.

The cute child, Anshu, had a white tablecloth tied around her neck into a makeshift cape and a paper hat was placed upon her head, resting right between her small, nubby horns. Still, nothing wrong with that, as a kid she can get away with that and she looks really adorable.

Dave on the other hand… 

The adult male donned his trademark shades along with pyjamas that were painfully small on him. Soft, yet very, very tight red cloth stuck to his frame, showing off a lot of skin on both his arms and hairy legs. The shirt had a sign of a clockwork cog plastered on it in a deeper shade of crimson and a same coloured cape hung from his shoulders that just barely reached his knees.

“DAVE, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING YOUR GOD TIER PYJAMAS? THEY DON’T EVEN FIT YOU ANYMORE. YOU LOOK LIKE TIED GRUBMEAT ABOUT TO BE SERVED ON A BULGESUCKING PARTY FULL OF SHITEATING HIGHBLOODS.” Karkat let out an exasperated sigh in constant dilemma on whether he should laugh out with amusement or face palm out of this planet’s atmosphere out of Dave’s sheer stupidity.

The Strider looked over and stopped what he was doing, chasing Anshu in circles, which resulted in the small girl bumping face first into his father’s leg.

“Fuck you, Daddy is a superhero and I must defeat the Evil Anshu. Also double fuck you, I still look great in my god tier, you’re just jelly ‘cos you never had one and can’t rock it with your hot bod like I do.” Dave waved an arm to show off his body and the red fabric creaked with the threat of ripping.

Anshu stepped in front of Dave and appeared as menacing as she could, which for her age was actually pretty scary, to bring his dad’s focus back on her. “You can’t break me, old man! I am an ETERNAL FLAME!” and with a squeaky roar she bit into Dave’s leg.

“OUCH!” the man was caught off guard.

“Hey! No biting Dad’s leg. We talked about this.” He pulled the child off of himself by grabbing Anshu by her tablecloth cape. “You can leave that shit to when you’re older and when you’re doing kinky stuff with someone who is not me.”

“URGHH! GROSS, DAD! I don’t wanna know what disgusting heck you and Karkat do while I’m sleeping.” Anshu frowned with disgust and wiggled out of Dave’s grasp.

“Watch your mouth, kid. You know what this means.” The man stared through the shades dead into Anshu’s eyes. “It’s time for combat level two!”

“BRING IT ON!” The girl yelled and let out a war cry that any troll would be proud of. Yes, why wouldn’t Karkat be proud of his child?

“Kar, bring us the swords!” Dave reached a hand out toward the grownup troll with an ironic flare, the old cape pathetically swishing behind him.

“YOU MEAN THE STICKS, RIGHT?” Karkat looked at him bewildered. Swords and any forms of strife was a big no-no in everyone’s life and especially in Dave’s book.

“Of fucking course I mean the sticks, Karkat, why would I mean anything else then sticks, what kind of a man do you think I am? Do you think I would be capable of drawing an actual shiny and sharp as fuck killing weapon on our daughter? Oh shit… Am I that bad of a parent that you’d assume that I’m that fucked up? Like you-know-who?” what started out as an angry rant quickly dissipated into Dave slowly tearing himself apart and Karkat knew if he let the human go down the path where his thoughts were taking him he would be soon at the verge of a mental breakdown.

The mutant blood hastily retrieved the two sticks that the kids would usually play with and went to reassure the blond man for the sake of their daughter.

“IT’S OK DAVE. JUST CHILL DUDE. WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LATER BUT NOW GRAB YOUR DAMNED STICK AND DEFEND YOURSELF BECOUSE THE EVIL ANSHU IS ABOUT TO KICK YOUR SORRY HUMAN ASS INTO THE NEXT SWEEP!” and with an affectionate rub on the back and a peck on the cheek he placed a stick in his hand and left the two to their antics, viewing them from the side lines.

Anshu charged at his dad with her stick held high. “I won’t be destroyed by a pruney wet toe! AAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Dave screamed back and the two flung their sticks together with a wooden clank. The ‘fight’ was very childlike, the sticks were swished left and right until it hit the other weapon, no skill or actual technique was in their movements, not even in Dave’s. Karkat thought it was nice to see him let loose of all his training knowledge and just enjoy fooling around like a kid.

Their mini battle went on like this for a few minutes with Anshu successfully whacking her stick on Strider’s foot out of sheer luck and as a result the male gave chase to the child again who in return threw some mildly insulting remarks while running such as “Are your bones even strong enough to run fast like that in your age?” which only fuelled his chase.

As the running around went on Anshu caught sight of Jamie making his way home to the Egbert household. She glanced at her dad and then back to the older kid and an idea struck her.

“HEY JAMIE!” she yelled and successfully gained the boy’s attention. Dave stopped his chase to see John’s hybrid kid and greeted him with a laidback “’Sup Jamie”.

“I bet you’re too much of a wet blanket to defeat my dad!” Anshu challenged the boy.

Jamie went along with the provocation. “I can take down anyone, I’m better than you at anything!”

“Why? Because I’m a girl and you _think_ you’re a boy?”

“No! Because your face is stupid!”

“Well your face is stupider and also looks like a sack of potato shaped dicks!”

“Pffft… Nice one, Anshu.” Dave sniggered.

“YOU’RE THE ONE LAUGHING, DAVE? HAVE YOU SEEN YOURSELF IN THAT CROTCHSTAINING SHIT YOU’RE WEARING?” Karkat said and Dave’s face fell in an overplayed way.

“Aw, c’mon babe, why you so mean? Don’t cha love me anymore?”

“Gross.” Anshu frowned at her dad. “Come on Jamie, let’s take him down.”

The two kids attacked the blonde man with mighty screams of battle and giggles of enjoyment. Dave tried to swat and escape from them but the troll-human hybrids were persistent and their rivalry to best the other drove them further not to give up.

Jamie was clinging on Dave’s leg and Anshu climbed up his cape and on top of his head when the adult realised that he was in a pickle.

“Karkat! Help me! I’m being overpowered!” Dave called out. It was hard to keep standing with screeching and constantly moving extra weights on him.

“HA, YOU LOOK STUPID. ALSO, THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM SO WHY SHOULD I GIVE A HOOFBEAST SHIT.” The troll answered and crossed his arms as he looked on the action happening with a pleased expression.

This is when the kids pulling and dragging became too much for Dave. With the joint effort of Jamie giving a particularly strong yank on the man’s leg and Anshu’s weight on top of him made his feet give in and plunged into the grassy ground with a big plop. No harm came to the kids though.

“YEAH! I win!” Anshu declared with victory in her voice, proudly holding her paper hat clad head high, and casually sitting on the back of her father’s head.

“No way.” Jamie retorted. “I was the one who pulled his leg out.”

The nubby horned girl blew raspberries at him with her tongue. “No one likes a sore loser, poophead.”

“If anything bad happened to my shades then you will be in big trouble, kid. Shit will be flipped hard and far and little girls will be grounded and probably flipped into the previously mentioned shit.” A muffled voice came from under Anshu.

Before any argument could have risen, John appeared by Karkat who was looking for Jamie.

“Hi guys. Having fun I see. Wait… Dave, are you wearing your god tier? Haha, don’t move! I’m taking a picture of this.” Said John and pulled out his phone to snap a photo of Dave wearing too small pyjamas while a child was sitting on his head and another on his leg, all plastered on the grass.

“Heh, I need to share this to everyone. I wonder what Roxy would think of it.”

“I fucking hate you, Egbert.” Dave’s muffled deadpan voice answered.

“Language.” John scolded like the goody two shoes he is. “Let’s go home, Jamie. Roxy made dinner.”

“Coming, Dad.” The boy shot up and was by his father’s side in a flash.

“Bye, Turdburger.” Anshu waved at him.

“Smell you later, Pipsqueak.” Jamie said and left with his father.

Anshu finally stood up from Dave’s head and as the blond grownup spat grass from his mouth he was relived to find that no harm came to his shades.

“So what do I get for defeating you?” The girl asked with shiny eyes in anticipation.

“How about nothing?” Dave stood up and began walking towards their home.

“No fair! Not even dessert?”

“Nope. Dad eats all the desserts.”

“ACTUALLY I’M GETTING ALL THE DESSERTS HERE BECOUSE I’M THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESN’T LOOKS LIKE A JUGGALO WHO ESCAPED FROM AN ASYLUM.” Karkat stated and the collective whines of ‘But Dad’, ‘But Karkat’ could be heard.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are highly appresiated


End file.
